Posted on by beckys

First Born

I loved you first
naked squall
placed skin to skin
on my chest
I believed in your eyes
Your face
a silent
oh

and I knew
my salvation

We were both children
really
a child delivering a child
into a box of jig-saw puzzles
and I was hard 
pushing, pounding, shoving
you into place
into all the empty

Packed up, shipped out
you welcomed each city
turning the knob on every door
would this be home
your palm sized hand
never doubting
and now
large enough to cover
both of mine

My mistakes
your character flaws
or strengths
honed
the iridescent grain
of polished maple
reflecting
your own history

and I lauded each one
of your successes
balls thrown farther, faster
the first clip-on tie
the brush
of your culinary knife
saying goodbye to the moon

I was afraid to love you
too closely
so I held you from over here
lest some malevolent eye
stake my weakness on you

and yet here you are again
your face a magnificent
oh
my salvation

3 Replies to “First Born”

  1. This was so very beautiful. There’s not enough that can be said for that first moment of contact between our skin and theirs. It instantly changes everything and it gets better with each time. My wife and I are on our third and it never gets old. Then all of the milestones, watching them swell up with pride, that smile of accomplishment.

    “We were both children
    really
    a child delivering a child
    into a box of jig-saw puzzles
    and I was hard
    pushing, pounding, shoving
    you into place
    into all that I was lacking
    all I didn’t want to miss”

    This is so very relateable. I cannot tell you how many mistakes have been made with the first two and how those mistakes, either made in an effort to help them avoid our pitfalls or made due to any number of immaturities, will forever dictate what life they will lead. The hope is that we learn along the way and send at least one of the babies out into the world fully formed and well rounded.

    It seems like you did/are doing a great despite any guilt, despite ant missed opportunities, despite your own flaws getting in the way. It’s life and it worth every second to see the babies grow and become their own people.

    Thank youso much for sharing.

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